Friday, January 3, 2020

The real Elf on the shelf.

From Si onTwitter

My mom set up my brothers elf on the shelf like they were playing in snow and the last three pictures is what we woke up to instead...




This one just made me howl with laughter when my daughter showed it to me.
We have small black cats who are always into trouble.







My friend Mary posted on social media one day...

She was always getting calls for the Spokane Shopko near the Y..
They closed earlier this year so there has not been the crazy customer calls and employees calling in sick to the wrong number.  No adds being published with her number on them either.Edit just checked the caller ID

Shen posted this years ago
Four more calls from other shopko wanting to do inter store transfers. One of them missdialed the number twice.

I just gave the store a five star review.  It's a good store.
I also posted all of this to the review.

And it continues.
Today while trying to call in to attend a phone meeting I picked up the phone and it must of been ringing.  We turned the sound off.

The lady screamed in my ear, "Finally!" I have been calling and no one picks up it just goes to messages.
She states, "Toy department.".

I say that's me what can I do for you.

She states she is looking for Elf on a shelf.

I cringed and shudder because I hate those things.

I say oh yes we have them in the add but a lady just came in and bought all we had.

She yells All Of Them!!?

I say yes. She said she ran the gun club and they were going to use them for a special Christmas target shooting contest.

She then says, as prizes?

I responded no as targets.

She sighs and says oh....  can you get one brought in from another store?

I say no sorry but you might try one of the Spokane stores.

She says Spokane?  Where did I call?

I say Metaline Falls.

She cusses and hangs up.
She called back three more times according to the caller ID.

Wouldn't you look up the number if you kept getting another businesses voice mail.

https://www.facebook.com/Shopko-1581994965429257/?ref=ts&fref=ts


She has also shared...

Need to know how to kill the Elf on the Shelf?
I have lots of ideas.
Many more not pictured.

















She went on with a long story that was 50 years in the making.

I had been throwing our little possessed psychopath (Elf on a Shelf) away numerous times.
Why you ask?
As a child my Grandma Zella tormented me with him.
She would tell me that everything the elf could see Santa could see.
He puts it on the table during lunch and watch me and make sure I ate every bite of the disgusting peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Then he would sit on top of the TV and watch me take a nap and if I open my eyes he would tell Santa.
She would place him in the bathroom when I went potty to make sure I wash my hands.
As I moved around her small home the elf followed me

I would cover him up so he could not see me.
I wasn’t a bad kid but grandma enjoyed the so called fun of it.
I think it was torcher.
Later when I grew up she gave it to me.
I boxed it up and forgot about it.

Grandma died and the elf stayed in the bottom of the Christmas box.  I didn’t miss him.

Then many years later my daughter Siriana found it!
She would put him up and talk to him.
Play tea with him and make him part of the family.
He surprised me all over the house for years.

One time I even found him in the bathroom as I came out of the tub!
I threw him away burring him in the bottom of the garbage can.

Someone kept dug him out of the garbage.
He showed up somewhere else later that day.  I threw him away in another can.

The next day he was in my office looking at me from the top of the pc.
I gave him to the crazy house healer and she shook him to death and walked off.
Then the little bastard started showing up.
He had a grimace on his face from the dog biting him.  He really looked crazy.
Each time I found him I put him in the garbage one time talking all the way to the cans on the back porch.
A few days later he was back in the house.
I thought I was going insane.
He was really getting around the house.

Years later when I started home schooling the kids it got even worse!
In the toaster.
I am insane!
In the fridge,
I am crazy!
In the medicine cabinet.
Oh please no!
In the dishwasher.
On my computer again!

I put him away in the Christmas boxes and hoped to never see him again.

My kids were now grown and one sinner day the Christmas box fell over.  The elf was right on top of the pile and I grabbed him from it and walked him out to the yard.
I had been shredding yard debris for composting and threw the little prick into the chipper shredder.
I laughed with joy!

I laughed and loved watching all the little red fabric and white fluff float down.
 I really thought I was done with the little asshole.

A few  summers later Siriana found his head whole and intact staring from the dirt in the flower bed.
She screamed!
Then the rest of the story came out.

She of course was responsible for him moving all over the house.
Later I ceremoniously lit a fire and purposely and permanently disposed of the little jerk.

Last summer I twisted my ankle and broke my foot on a lump of coal in the yard.
I cried in pain on the ground.
 I scanned for and then found that lump of char....Barely visible was the edge of a smile and and eye.
I took it to the park and placed it in a garbage can.
Haven’t seen him since.

I WIN!

Updated 1-3-2020
Today in the melted runny snow there was a tiny price of red and white fabric that was part of his body.

I give up. He wins.  I am on the naughty list for the rest of my life.

I am now 55 this year...probably not much time left....maybe.  Maybe not.

Have a slap happy new year all.



Some other links about elf on a shelf.
I will add more as I find them.
https://crafty.diply.com/104146/mom-of-the-year-accidentally-melts-her-elf-on-the-shelf-in-the-o?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=diplyfacts&utm_content=da004160

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