Broken NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS and it is only 11:11 11pm on 1/1/11.

HELP I just can not seem to stick to my resolutions!!!!!

Here are some resolutions I should have but have already broken today.
stop cussing
stop drinking
stop smoking
stop getting angry
stop eating
stop falling
stop sleeping so much
stop being a crab
stop crying so much
stop hurting so much
stop hogging the bathroom
stop hogging the bed
stop kicking the cats
stop feeding the dog poison
stop beating my kids
stop adding things to the honey do list just to keep him at home
stop farting in public elevators just to get a reaction
stop farting at church and then looking at the people sitting around me like it was them while holding my nose
stop using up all the hot water on bath night before anyone else gets to bathe
stop stinking up the bathroom and sitting on the camode reading the news till I have ring around the butt
stop laughing at all my friends and thinking I am so much smarter then they are
stop scratching in public
stop using my mouth to make disgusting nose blowing sounds when I fake blowing my knows in public
stop adjusting my fake boobs in public because they have phantom pain or itch (cancer survivor)
stop telling everyone I know to get a mammogram  (did I mention I am a cancer survivor?)
stop cruising my friends facebook profiles and laughing at all the stuff they post
stop hacking my friends facebooks and putting all the crazy posts and applications on their profiles
stop missspealling so much and or lern to speell buter
MOST OF ALL STOP LIEen just to make people laugh.

Here is hoping you have a very HAPPY and BLESSED New Year.

Mary Kay Hodges-Cates for HHC